May the 4th be With You - Star Wars Rankings for Star Wars Day

May 4th has been deemed "Star Wars Day," and despite having just posted a Star Wars blog about their best new show Andor, I thought it'd be fitting to do a ranking of all Star Wars movies/shows in celebration. I have no doubt that my ranking will be vastly different than the standard fan, and I hope after reading you feel compelled to share your rankings in the comments below.

Note off the top - no animated shows will be included here so don't get butthurt Clone Wars fans. No Skeleton Crew, and there are a couple shows I couldn't make it all the way through. All movies I've seen at least once.

17. The Rise of Skywalker (episode 9)

    
    

This shouldn't come off as a major shocker because I don't think I've met one singular person who likes this movie. The Sequel trilogy isn't the best quality, but this is by far the bottom of the barrel. The ridiculous connection they try to make to Palpatine, manipulative in killing characters just for them to come back, a cluster-fuck of a final act. JJ Abrams wasn't creative enough to make his own unique story, so he recycled shit from the past in dumb ways and closed the chapter on a 9-episode franchise with the worst movie imaginable.

16. Attack of the Clones (episode 2)

    
    

I mean this genuinely and not as an insult or slight in any way: but if you're someone who watches The Clone Wars and thinks it's really good, you should be put in a mental institution. This could easily be my bottom spot. I'm a snob, but the acting in this film legitimately might be some of the worst I've ever seen. The story sucks, the visuals are terrible and look like an early-2000s Disney Channel show, and it's the least interesting movie of all 9 main episodes.

15. The Acolyte

    
    

Not going to spend much time here because I didn't finish it. Didn't grab my attention, wasn't drawn to any characters -- didn't do much for me personally.

14. The Book of Boba Fett

Rule of thumb: if the most interesting part of your show has nothing to do with your main character, that's an issue. If none of the top 5 most interesting parts of your show have to do with your main character, that's an indictment. This show fucking sucks. 1st ep was okay, then they realized they don't actually have a story to tell and just wanted the money. So what they did instead was product-placement for The Mandalorian -- there's literally an entire episode that Boba Fett isn't in following Mando and Grogu. They bring in cool characters like Cad Bane and Krrsantan, but do nothing with them. Cash Grab + no creativity + boring story = BAD.

13. Obi-Wan Kenobi

I think there are people that enjoyed this show, but I wasn't a fan (we're in the mid-TV-show portion of the rankings). There was a lot of good elements - I love seeing Ewan in the reigns as Obi-Wan, Hayden Christensen redeems his poor acting in the prequels, and I thought having the young Princess Leia character actually works pretty well. I think there were some very bad characters that weren't compelling at all, moved at a snail's pace, and had no business being a 6-episode miniseries -- an hour of content stretched into 6 hours.

12. Ahsoka

    
    

Another show that, full disclosure, I didn't finish. And I don't remember a ton of. But I like Rosario Dawson's Ahsoka character ever since her introduction in The Mandalorian -- I just couldn't stay engaged in this series.

11. Solo: A Star Wars Story

This is a perfectly mediocre Star Wars movie, and I don't mean that as an insult. There just isn't anything that jumps out at me as memorable, but it's a pretty fun, relatively entertaining story about one of the GOAT characters of Star Wars. Alden Ehrenreich is good as Han, and I like the supporting cast with Emilia Clarke, Donald Glover (Young Lando), and Woody Harrelson.

10. The Phantom Menace (episode 1)

    
    

Shoutout my boy Carter, college roommate that ripped every one of these Star Wars movies with me and is a Qui-Gon Jinn Stan. I'm not the biggest fan of this installment, but I do love me a pod-racing sequence. And who doesn't love Darth Maul -- while his motivations/character arc aren't real complex, he's a unique Sith than we saw before, and the fight sequence between him and Obi-Wan/Qui-Gon is elite.

9. The Force Awakens (episode 7)

The first Star Wars movie I ever saw. And probably the best of the Sequel Trilogy in reality. It does a good job of introducing the new characters, and I actually applaud their creativity in creating these characters. John Boyega's Finn -- former Stormtrooper turned rebel, Daisy Ridley's Rey, Oscar Isaac's Poe, Adam Driver's Kylo Ren. And they also bring back beloved characters - Han Solo, Leia, Chewy. I liked the Han/Leia/Kylo Ren storyline quite a bit, and I thought this was the most interesting Finn has been in any of the 3 movies. Ending lacked a little juice for me.

8. The Last Jedi (episode 8)

I can feel the anger radiating from your eyes as you read this, but I'm here to tell you it'll be okay. This is probably my hottest take in the whole blog. I know a lot of people hate it -- which is fair, there's some awful aspects -- but this movie is way over-hated. Probably because I didn't have the deep ties to the lore that many fans did when it first came out. The Finn/Rose storyline sucked so fucking bad, and old cranky Luke Skywalker wasn't great. But I really liked all the Rey/Kylo Ren stuff and -- get ready for another hot take -- I love the fight scene of those 2 vs the guards. There are lots of problems in this movie, but there's enough good for me.

7. A New Hope (episode 4)

Now we're getting into the heavy hitters. The very first Star Wars movie, the one that set in motion nearly 50 years of films and TV shows and billions of dollars in revenue. ANH does a great job of introducing us to characters, giving us a taste of who they are and what their motivation is, and starts laying the groundwork for the films that followed it. My one complaint, and why it's my lowest-ranked original series episode, is that I found the last hour the most boring of the 3 OG's. The Obi-Wan vs Vader fight is also hilariously bad/boring looking back -- tech has come too far for that to be exciting.

6. Return of the Jedi (episode 6)

   
   

Kind of a toss-up between ANH and ROTJ for me personally, but I give this the edge because I like the tie-ins from the previous movies and the new lore created. A lot of people don't love the opening sequence with Han being unfrozen and Jabba the Hutt, but I find it to be a ton of fun. The ending/last hour of this movie is also just electric to me -- the Luke, Vader, Emperor plot coinciding with Lando and the boys flying around shutting down the Death Star works great for me. Satisfying ending, great action, and good callbacks = winning recipe.

5. Revenge of the Sith (episode 3)

   
   

I've been told I'm crazy not having ROTS in my Top 3 so many times. And if this was just a ranking of the films - it would be my #3 overall movie. But I can't put it ahead of a pair of shows that I think are nearly perfect, even if this is far and away the best of the prequels. From General Grievous to Count Dooku to Mace Windu, this features the best side characters and gives them intriguing plots. Order 66 being enacted is a massive moment -- Anakin coming face to face with the younglings is iconic. The Obi-Wan/Anakin battle on Mustafar is tragic, exhilarating, intense and visually epic. And Ewan McGregor picks up the slack for Christensen by acting his dick and balls off, cementing him as my GOAT Star Wars character.

4. The Mandalorian

   
   

This show is what really opened my eyes to the world of Star Wars. The opening scene of the Pilot episode is fucking badass. They introduce a Baby Yoda in E1, laying the groundwork for a storyline so compelling I think it rivals any Star Wars plot in existence. It has heart, incredible and unique action, takes us to different parts of the universe, introduces incredible characters, and is a fully thought-out, developed story in Season 1. I had zero notes and was blown away.

I really love Season 2 of Mando as well, but it didn't quite match the highs of S1. What it did do was bring in characters from other parts of the lore and incorporate them in effective ways to the story. Bo-Katan, Ahsoka, Cobb Vanth (Timothy Olyphant the King). They also bring back crowd favorites from S1 -- Greef Karga (RIP Carl Weathers), Moff Gideon, Migs Mayfield (Bill Burr the King). And the finale of S2 should've been the final episode of the series because it was a perfect ending.

I don't like Season 3 very much but there's still some good stuff hidden in the mix. But for how amazing S1 and S2 are, this easily slides in the Top 5, and could've gone higher.

3. Rogue One: A Star Wars Story

Argue with a fucking wall if you don't think this is a top 3 Star Wars movie, because I don't argue with morons. This is, without question, the best-written and most well-made Star Wars movie. The action is elite, the story is brilliant and deep, and the characters populating the movie are compelling. From Mads Mikkelsen to Ben Mendelsohn to Felicity Jones to Forest Whitaker -- the cast deliver emotional and intriguing performances. The story is also so much more grounded and meaningful than other Star Wars movies, which sounds crazy for a "side quest" film. I just love everything about this movie and have rewatched it more than any other. Also, the Darth Vader hallway scene, holy shit. How did the best Darth Vader scene in a Star Wars movie wind up in a 2016 side story?

2. Andor

   
   

I've posted a full blog on Andor, so I won't go too nuts here, but this is genuinely one of the best shows on TV - not just one of the best Star Wars shows/movies ever made. All the great elements of Rogue One are present here, but with more runway to create, Tony Gilroy is able to create a gripping, grounded, unique story of mostly brand new characters to the universe. It has stakes, heart, emotion, elite acting/writing, and is gorgeous to watch. And there are so many scenes in Season 1 that just fire me the fuck up -- shoutout Luthen and Kino Loy's epic speeches.

1. Empire Strikes Back (episode 5)

   
   

Could it have been anything else? Widely regarded as not just the best Star Wars movie, but one of the best movies of all time, and for good reason. Everything about this movie I love. From the opening scene on the ice planet Hoth, to Luke training with Yoda on Dagobah, to Leia and Han at Jabba the Hutt's lair, to Darth Vader and Luke's battle and "I am Your Father." This movie doesn;t skip a beat at any point, delivering banger scene after banger scene, and is far and away the most complete movie in the Nine Episode Catalog. Not reinventing the wheel here with this ranking -- if you're a Star Wars fan, this one's in your Top 2 -- and if you know ball, it ain't 2.

Happy Star Wars day to all - May the 4th be with you