Power Ranking Friday - Everyday Scumbags

After the Triathlon last week, I thought long and hard about taking a week off to regroup. But I know how much you loyal readers look forward to Power Ranking Thursday -- how it brightens your morning and has become part of your weekly routine to sit and read these blogs (this is my internal dialogue every time I post). But Softball Playoffs had other plans in mind, so had to push it off a day for a Friday Morning Rankings.

We're jumping right back in with a very different topic than the TV-character-heavy week we just had, and getting into a more fun topic: "Every Day Scumbags."

This is about the people you see everyday with no regard for others, do solely what's best for them, and are the type of people you just can't stand. We have a wide range of actions that fall under this umbrella, but the key takeaway is these are people who do things that infuriate everyone but themselves. Without further ado, let's hop into a few Honorable Mentions.

Honorable Mentions

Doesn't Refill the Brita/Coffee Maker Guy

One of the worst roommate or coworker archetypes out there. Someone who thinks the world revolves around them, and someone that deserves a swift kick in the teeth.

Drives 60 in the Passing Lane Guy

There's a much more severe highway-traffic-archetype in the Top 10, but it needs to be said that people who drive in the passing lane with no intention of passing people should be shot dead in the streets.

Interrupting Guy

The person you have a conversation with and simply cannot get a word in. Whether you're mid-story or trying to ask a question or just making convo -- this guy will cut you off no matter what (usually with the least interesting story imaginable).

Transactional Friendship Guy

The guy who only reaches out when they need something. Advice, money, a favor -- whatever it may be. But the second you need something, they disappear or can't help.

The "Me-Monopolizer"

Akin to "Interrupting Guy", this is the person who makes every conversation about themselves. Could be talking about the declining hippo population in Africa and they'll interject for a story about the time they saw a hippo at the zoo. Would rather a hippo bite my head then listen.

Doesn't Fix Their Divots on the Golf Course Guy

Easy one for me to avoid because I never land shots on the green, but nothing worse than having a putt knocked off-kilter because the douchebag ahead of you didn't fix their divot.

Venmo Requests Immediately for <$5 Purchases Guy

They'll buy you a Gatorade at the turn of your golf round and Venmo request you before the next tee. Didn't know you were down so bad brother, that must be hard for you.

Doesn’t Clean Up After Himself Guy

This goes for a guy that doesn’t make their bed the morning after they stay over or doesn’t help clean the mess on Sunday morning after a float trip/vacation/etc. (If you’re reading this Louis, I’m still sorry about the guestroom situation).

Top 10

#10 Doesn't put Away their Shopping Cart Guy

This was the inspiration of this Power Ranking topic because I was pulling into the grocery store looking for a spot, and someone left their shopping cart directly in the middle of a spot by the entrance. I'm a pretty lazy guy, but the level of laziness you have to have to not walk your shopping cart to one of the dozen cart racks all throughout the parking lot is mind-boggling. But the thing about the scumbags on this list -- they don't care. They probably drive home laughing to themselves about how big of a bag of dicks they are. And when I say drive home, I of course mean to their parents house, because someone that leaves their cart in the middle of a spot doesn't have the brain capacity to earn an income.

#9 Doesn't Cover their Plate Wedding Gift Guy

"Cover your plate" has always been the term I've heard thrown out when I ask how much to give someone for their wedding gift. Problem is, I don't know how much they cost either -- so I always just try to err on the side of more. But this ranking is really for the people that grab a card on their way to the wedding and throw a couple $20 bills in the envelope. Have some respect for yourself, you thoughtless Dirtbag. If someone is nice enough to invite you to their wedding -- a wedding they likely cut 50 names of friends and relatives off the list for because wedding's are fucking expensive -- at least have the decency to give them something off their registry, or a solid chunk of change for the honeymoon fund.

#8 Speakerphone/Plays Music from Phone in Public Guy

I live in St. Charles MO, so not exactly living the big city life. But you always here about the guy on the subway having a full conversation on speakerphone on the subway or train — but I never experienced it myself. That is until I went to Chicago a few weeks ago and saw a guy playing music full volume on the train ride home. It must be nice living in a world where you’re the only person that exists. I can’t imagine having self-awareness so low that I think it’s okay to make a train of 10+ people hear my conversation or songs. Or god forbid somebody takes a phone call during a movie. It's happened to me once, but the guy had the wherewithal to hang up right away. If I heard someone take and continue a phone call mid-movie, I'd have no choice but to physically assault them and their loved ones.

#7 Cancels Plan at the Last Second Guy

When it comes to making plans, I like to be as non-committal as possible until I know with 100% certainty that I can make it. That may lead to a lot of "We'll see's" or "I'll keep you posted's" when a friend asks if I'm coming out that night -- but I'd rather be non-committal than the guy that says yes and bails. Because there's nothing worse than planning something out days/weeks/months in advance, then when the day finally comes, they're dropping out at the last second. I don't always think it's malicious -- things obviously come up at inopportune times that you can't help. But everyone knows a friend or two that, even if you make plans well in advance, you don't know for sure until you see the person there. And those types of people -- are fucking assholes.

#6 Guy that Borrows Something of Yours, Returns it Broken/Dirty/etc

In college, I’d always bring my dads truck during the summer when it was moving-out-or-in season. And I was always happy to let a friend borrow it if they needed to move a couch or something -- usually I'd just offer to help them move it myself. That is until I lent it to one friend, told them very clearly not to roll down the driver-side window because it’s broken and won’t roll back up, and they brought it back with the window fully down. $250 later, I vowed to never let someone borrow my car again, because sometimes ever your friends are absolute scumbags. But this goes for anything — letting someone borrow some clothes and they give them back dirty — or worse yet, they lose them. There’s a lot of inconsiderate people out there, so make sure you know exactly who you’re lending your things to.

#5 Guy that Doesn't Tip/Tips very Little

Everybody's experienced bad service at a restaurant, or gotten a bad haircut, or had a bad Uber. And when you receive bad service, it's okay to not give them a big tip for that bad service. What isn't okay is having perfectly fine service and absolutely stiffing your server because you'd rather save a couple bucks than properly tip the staff. As someone who was briefly a server, tips are a massive deal. Places cut your hourly wage as low as they can and make you depend on tips. So when you finish serving a party of 12 and a $200 bill -- it's the most scumbag move possible for the head of the table to leave a $10 tip for the whole tab. The common theme today is people that have no consideration for others -- this is one of the top-tier examples of that. My solution: anyone who leaves a sub-10% tip at a restaurant should be rounded up and forced to staff all the Burger King's nationwide.

#4 Leaves Piles of Dirty Dishes in Sink Guy

I’ve been this guy before — hand up. If I made some pasta or something else that really dirtied up a dish, I was a big “soap in the pan, let it soak for a few hours” guy. But I’ve learned the error of my ways, I realize I was being an absolute dogshit roommate for it (And that it's 100% easier to clean it right away rather than waiting). But I also was never the guy to accumulate 10+ dirty dishes and leave them in the sink for someone else to deal with. Because that is the most entitled, low-life, lazy piece of shit move a person can make. And there's no better way to build resentment from a roommate than making them clean your shit. Knowingly dirtying multiple dishes with absolutely no intention of cleaning them yourself should either be grounds for eviction or the electric chair. Grow up and clean your shit.

#3 Doesn't Pick up after their Dog Guy

Off the bat, I think it's important to note that I never had a dog growing up. I want one really bad, but I'd be learning on the fly if I got one, because I know nothing about dogs. But something I do know about dogs though is this -- when yours takes a shit, you should clean it up. Especially if it's, say, in someone else's yard. Or in a public park. Or in someone else's house. These may seem simple to you smart readers -- but I assure you there are plenty of blockheads out there that didn't get the memo.

But this goes for non-piss-and-shit related dog cleaning as well. Summer going into my Senior year of college, I let a buddy stay with me that summer because we had extra bedrooms. And while I love him and his dog -- that dog shed. A LOT. Which is fine if you clean up that hair, but is absolutely not fine when you ignore it, let it pile up in bunches all throughout the house, then move out before bothering to clean it. Was 4 years ago and it still makes my blood boil.

#2 Rude to Waitresses Guy

At times, this archetype goes hand in hand with #5 on the list -- the non-or-shitty tipper. And while that guy is a horrible human being in their own right, the guy who is downright rude to their waiter or waitress takes the cake. There's nothing more uncomfortable than being at a table with someone who is treating your waitress like shit. Especially when you're at a busy restaurant and you can tell they're feeling overwhelmed -- just for some 401K fuckhead to scream at them because they forgot to refill the waters. Or even worse -- when it's a waiter or waitress in training. Just trying to learn the job and they're getting berated for not telling the kitchen he wanted no tomato on his burger. These are usually the hardo's that get bitched at at work, because they themselves are shitty at their own job, and are just itching for some confrontation. And if it has to be a 16-year old high schooler trying to make weekend money, they don't care. Drop these people in the middle of the ocean without a paddle.

#1 "Cutting the Line" in Traffic Guy

Our #1 spot on the list of biggest scumbags on earth can only go to one person -- The Traffic Line Cutter. If you're unfamiliar with the vernacular -- this is the guy who speeds past the bumper-to-bumper traffic in an open lane, gets to the front of the line, and cuts someone off to get over. Specifically on Hwy 270 N getting onto 70 for my STL area folks. You're in the exit lanes like a law-abiding citizen, you endured the start/stop rush hour traffic, you're finally getting to the light at the end of the tunnel. Then suddenly, a cunt in a Corolla flies through the Double White Line and cuts you off because they wanted to save 5 minutes on their commute. Doesn't matter to them if they cause an accident -- they need to get home to their disgusting cow of a wife and the lukewarm Pabst Blue Ribbon in their disconnected garage. I mean it when I say I hope the people who do this die horrible deaths.

Bonus story: I was on my way to pick up my girlfriend from the airport one night, and there was a big accident causing tons of traffic. This asshole in an Acura is tail-gating me every step of the way -- keeps getting over a lane to try and pass me, gets stuck, cuts someone off to get back behind me. I'm coming from 270, getting on 70, and we take the exit in bumper-to-bumper. Get on 70, everybody in the right lane needs to get over left, but the Acura Asshole doesn't care, because the Prince of Pine Lawn does as he pleases. So he gets over and accelerates right through -- stopping me and 3 other cars trying to merge left in our tracks. And just as he starts zooming by, he gets greedy and tries to move over another lane (no blinker obviously). The Ford 150 with his blinker on a few lanes over took issue with that clearly -- because he absolutely rammed the Acura trying to merge into him. The biggest "instant karma" move I've ever seen in my life. Cars honking at him and flipping him off as he tries to get to the side of the road. Nearly brought a tear to my eye.

Story time and Power Ranking Time are now complete -- if you read this far, thank you for staying with us, and please let me know in the comments here or on Instagram any Every Day Scumbags we missed on today's rankings. And Come back next week for another edition!