The Life of a Showgirl - Album Review

One for the ladies on this fine Friday -- get you a Bean that go from NBA Playoffs, to Love Island, to Movie Reviews, to Mizzou Football, to Taylor Swift's albums.

The newest Taylor Swift album dropped this past week, and like any good boyfriend who dates a Swiftie -- I gave it a few listens over the last week. I wasn't a big fan of The Tortured Poets Department because I thought it was a little too slow, but was promised this new album would be more upbeat and fun -- and I think it delivered. I don't follow closely enough to know the consensus among Swifties, but I think this Album was a W.

Below I'll give quick thoughts and Bean scores for each song on the Album -- with a final ranking 1-12 at the very end. I apologize in advance for what will surely be very Male Brain Takeaways -- I'm not analyzing the meaningfulness of lyrics, I'm reporting on what songs are Bean's Bops.

Track #1: The Fate of Ophelia

• A hot start for the Album -- big fan of this one

• Good chorus, I'm a sucker for all the little background echoes and claps and shit like that

• Good walking song as well, step count picks up every time this one comes on

• Bean's Score: 8.5/10

Track #2: Elizabeth Taylor

• Hand up -- I don't know who Elizabeth Taylor is, did not have high hopes

• Start of the song did not inspire hope either, but then the chorus hits and the beat drops... I got on board quick

• Overall -- I like the chorus quite a bit, verses don't get me going, but definitely upper echelon of the album

• Bean's Score: 7.8/10

Track #3: Opalite

• Certified Bop -- added to the playlist and has clocked the most plays by far

• Benefit of dating a Swfitie: she explained what Opalite was because I thought it was a made-up word

• Best and catchiest chorus by a mile, and I like the build-up to the chorus more than the previous two

• Bean's Score: 9.2/10

Track #4 Father Figure

• Not my cup of tea

• The chorus made me laugh with the whole my dick's bigger part, but not sure that's the end goal

• Sounds like this one could be about Olivia Rodrigo? I don't know the history of the beef well enough to plant my flag -- but out of the 2 songs I presume are about beef on this album, I much prefer the other.

• Bean's Score: 5.4/10

Track #5: Eldest Daughter

• We're falling off from the hot start of #1 - #3 with #4 and #5

• This is not a bad song by any means, but isn't for this Bean

• As a youngest child dating an eldest daughter though, I can appreciate the sentiment

• Bean's Score: 6.4/10

Track #6: Ruin the Friendship

• Getting back into my Q-zone with this one (shoutout I Think You Should Leave/Tim Robinson)

• But Not in the same realm as the first 3 -- I almost always default to the more upbeat song but don't even think it's as good as Eldest Daughter

• I feel like I enjoy the verses more than the chorus which isn't a good recipe in my opinion

• Bean's Score: 6.2/10

Track #7: Actually Romantic

• Get absolutely Fucked, Charli xcx

• Comes out swinging immediately -- "when the coke's got your brain" caught me real off-guard

• Had no idea about the beef, listened to the album on a walk, and when I got home my first thought on the whole album to Emily was "who the fuck was Actually Romantic about"

• Bean's Score: 8.1/10

Track #8: Wi$h Li$t

• Another one that wasn't for me

• I did perk up when I heard basketball hoop -- male brain kicking in

• The biggest nothing-burger on the album for me, not a horrible song but does absolutely nothing for me

• Bean's Score: 4.3/10

Track #9: Wood

Going to give a breakdown of my thoughts as I heard this song for the first time:

• "Jackson 5 beat?? Okay Taylor I'm here for it"

• "This might be Top 3 -- Chorus is absolutely ripping"

• "Wait a minute... is this song about..."

• "Okay so this song's about a cock 100%"

Probably should've read the title instead of going in blind, but I was hood-winked and didn't appreciate that. Great beat, really liked the chorus, thought it'd be one of my favorites -- then she started talking about Redwoods and opening thighs. I simply can't listen to it knowing that, regardless of how catchy.

• Bean's Score if it wasn't about Travis Kelce's Penis: 8.8/10

• Bean's Score knowing it's about Travis Kelce's Penis: 1.8/10

Track #10: CANCELLED!

• Wanted to like this one more than I did

• I like that it's very distinguishable from the other songs and stands out

• Just not a huge fan of the chorus

• Also, is this song about Blake Lively?

• Bean's Score: 5.6/10

Track #11: Honey

• Another one I'm unfortunately not crazy about -- interested to know if this is one a lot of people like from the album

• Like the chorus the first time at the start of the song, but the more I heard it the less I liked it

  • I think it's a little too wordy for me if that makes sense -- packing a ton of words in quickly

• Bean's Score: 4.9/10

Track #12: The Life of a Showgirl (feat. Sabrina Carpenter) ((bark bark))

• Something about this Bean, he's in on Sabrina Carpenter

• Closing things with a bang -- very catchy, like the way it builds, one of the few songs I can actually follow the "story" of

• 1 of the 5 songs I added to the playlist, great closing to a better-than-expected album

• Bean's Score: 8.3/10

Overall, despite some pretty low scores for certain songs, I actually was pleasantly surprised by the album. I'm sure true fans connect with the lyrics in some songs that I didn't like better than I would -- I'm on the hunt for bops and bops alone. And this album had at least 5 songs I truly liked, and I consider that a win.

Official Rankings:

1. Opalite

2. The Fate of Ophelia

3. The Life of a Showgirl

4. Actually Romantic

5. Elizabeth Taylor

6. Eldest Daughter

7. Ruin the Friendship

8. CANCELLED!

9. Father Figure

10. Honey

11. Wi$h Li$t

12. Wood**

    1. **would be #3 if it wasn't about genitalia

Comment below or on the Instagram post what your favorite song on The Life of a Showgirl was!