2025-2026 College Football All-Name Teams

It's August people. It's the Dog Days of Baseball and Overreacting-to-Training-Camp season in the NFL, and a Bean like myself really misses football right about now. But luckily, we're less than a month away from College Football, and the release of EA Sports College Football 26 has me amped up for football season. And while I'm rebuilding the Missouri State Bears into an elite Conference USA dynasty and future National Title Contender -- I think now's a good time to take a look at some of the best Names in the sport this season.

In case you're not familiar with the concept, every year it seems to make the rounds on social media of the funniest, most unique, and most downright strange names in College Football. It happens across all sports I'm sure, but College Football and Basketball are always my favorites. So Today, we're putting together a the All-Name Roster for College Football 2025-2026.

OFFENSE

Quarterback:

Butter Tollefson (Arizona State)

Air Noland (South Carolina)

Godspower Nwawuihe (Army)

Butter, Air, and Godspower? Is this a QB room or what I seek out on a hungover Sunday morning? Unfortunately we're unlikely to see any of these guys on the field this year with studs playing ahead of them, so we'll give them their shine here.

Running Back:

Tommy Running Rabbit (Montana)

Fluff Bothwell (Mississippi State)

Tuna Atlahir (Stanford)

Turbo Richard (Boston College)

Titan Lacaden (Hawaii)

Tommy Running Rabbit and Turbo Richard sound like they were born to run for 200 yards and 3 scores on a Saturday afternoon. Titan Lacaden sounds like he'll do the same then fuck your girlfriend after. Fluff and Tuna are just too crazy not to include.

Wide Receiver:

Karate Brenson (Wake Forest)

Squirrel White (Florida State)

Da'Realyst Clark (Kent State)

Dash Dorsey (Kent State)

Nitro Tuggle (Purdue)

Emazon Littlejohn (South Carolina)

Legend Lyons (Minnesota)

Long list of Wideouts here, long list of elite first names. Kent State's head recruiter was in his bag getting Da'Realyst and Dash in the WR room. Nitro Tuggle sounds like someone that can't be tackled. Karate and Squirrel are outrageous names. Mrs. Lyons had lots of confidence in her kid from day 1. And Emazon Littlejohn closes things out on a strange note.

Tight End:

Cash Cheeks (UTEP)

Rocky Beers (Colorado State)

I'm a simple man of simple pleasures -- simple pleasures like Cash, Cheeks, and Beers.

Offensive Line:

King Large (SMU)

Tree Babalade (South Carolina)

Hannes Hammer (Virginia Tech)

Rhino Tapa'atoutai (Arizona)

Panda Askew (East Carolina)

Kingtriton Samuela (Georgia Southern)

Walter Young Bear (West Virginia)

Finishing the offense with the Big Dogs -- or should I say big Pandas Rhinos and Young Bears. Everyone on this list was quite literally born to play OL. King Large? Kingtriton? Tree? Hannes Hammer? They could be 6 foot tall, 150 pounds soaking wet, and I'd be recruiting these kids to play in the trenches for my football team.

DEFENSE

Defensive Line:

Legend Journey (Cal)

Divine Love Onochie (North Texas)

Tycoolhill Luman (FAU)

Blazen Lono-Wong (Arizona State)

Logologo Va'a (Nevada)

Tiger Black (Oregon State)

Mackavelli Malotumau (Western Kentucky)

Moving onto the Defense with the pass rushers and run stoppers. Another Legend makes the list with an even funnier last name. Divine Love Onochie can always fall back on being a preacher. Tycoolhill, Logologo, and Mackavelli are names I couldn't come up with no matter how much weed I smoked. Tiger and Blazen are intimidating foes on the line.

Linebacker:

Noah Knigga (Eastern Michigan)

Sirr Bible (San Jose State)

Gideon ESPN Lampron (Bowling Green)

Memorable Factor (Duke)

Demon Clowney (South Carolina)

Fatt Forrest (Mississippi State)

Clay Oven (Montana)

LBs or DBs is definitely the most outrageous list of names in my opinion. Starting with the most controversial name in the sport with Noah Knigga (yes, white). Sirr Bible can't be real. I checked Bowling Green's roster and the ESPN middle name is real for Gideon. Memorable Factor is too good to omit, even if he goes to Duke. Jadeveon Clowney has to be so jealous of his younger brother Demon's name. And Fatt Forrest and Clay Oven are just good comedy.

Defensive Backs:

Moh Bility (Rice)

Pig Cage (Incarnate Word)

Gumbo Gaskins (Samford)

Ephesians Prysock (Washington)

D-Icey Hopkins (Georgia State)

Dude Person (Central Arkansas)

Messiah Delhomme (Maryland)

I told you these were heavy hitters. Moh Bility is 1.1 of any name on the list. Followed closely by Pig Cage -- I mean what the fuck is that name. Gumbo Gaskins is unreal. Had to check the roster again to make sure D-Icey was real. Dude Person is the auto-generated name you get when you create a new player in madden. And Epheisans Prysock and Messiah Delhomme can start a ministry with Sirr Bible and Divine Love from earlier.

Kicker/Punter:

Badger Hargett - P (LSU)

Atticus Sappington - K (Oregon)

Finishing things up with the most important positions on the field (hahahahaha kidding of course. Can you imagine?) But these two guys do more than bring the boom with their leg, they give you a chuckle in the program as well.

That's all for today -- comment your favorite Name from this list, or comment your honorable mentions if there's any name I missed!