Power Ranking Thursday - Missouri High School Mascots

At what point did it stop being cool to be different when choosing a mascot? Seems like High Schools and Colleges alike have abandoned the creative and quirky nicknames of before, opting for more common mascots. Everybody is The Panthers, Bulldogs, Eagles, Spartans, Warriors, Knights, etc. You can toss a ball from Highway 70 and hit a high school with Wildcats as their nickname. Which is why I want to shed a light on the schools in Missouri that do it right with unique and interesting mascots.

I was going to open this up to Illinois as well, but there are some downright peculiar ones in ILL that could make up their own list, so maybe we'll revisit the topic if this one does well. Lots of honorable mentions before the Top 10 too cause there's a ton of good MO Mascots.

The criteria we're looking for:

• How unique it is

• How cool it sounds

• Logos (can't put pictures because of copyright, but google at home as we go)

• Bonus points if the mascot lends itself to cool jerseys/helmets/etc

Dishonorable Mentions:

Any School that is one of the following:

1. Tigers (35 MO schools)

2. Bulldogs (24 MO schools)

3. Eagles (20 MO schools)

4. Wildcats (18 MO schools)

5. Panthers (17 MO schools)

I regret to inform you if your high school was one of the above, you're a certified dweeb

Central (St. Joseph), Clark Country, Fort Osage, Hallsville, Hayti, Holt, Jackson, Kennett, Osage, Osceola, Pacific, Russellville, Seneca, St. Vincent, Strafford, and Van-Far

All of which are The Indians -- which doubles as an overly common mascot at 17x -- which is the more cancellable-action in my book.

Honorable Mentions:

Archie Whirlwinds

(Their football helmets are sweet and I love the originality)

Bolivar Liberators

(named for a military leader, and were originally the Tiger -- but changed to the Liberators in 1951 -- major bonus points)

Camdenton Lakers

(Near the Ozarks, not frauds like Los Angeles)

Lexington Minutemen

(Great Disney Channel original movie called Minutemen, s/o Nicholas Braun aka Cousin Greg from Succession)

Lincoln College Prep Blue Tigers

(… at least they tried to spice it up? I change my original Tiger Tally to 35.5)

Nerinx Hall Markers

(unique score 10/10, practicality score 0/10. But having a High Schooler dress up as a Green Crayola Marker for games is hysterical)

Incarnate Word Red Knights

(Combo of the last two: add a color in front of normal mascot + some kid suited up in full armor for a basketball game)

Owensville Dutchmen

(You gotta Google their logo - A Dutchmen with the brightest orange hair you've ever seen flexing on mfs)

Pleasant Hill Roosters

(Great logos, great colorway and football helmet, and I think unintimidating animals for a mascot is hilarious)

Rockhurst Hawklets

(similar to another in the Top 10, this connects w/ a local University and Hawklets is funny to say)

John Burroughs Bombers

(I think Bombers is a badass nickname but just missed the cut for me)

Visitation Academy Vivettes

(A+ for ingenuity but unsure what it really means -- still on board)

West Plains Zizzers

(Ditto to the Vivettes reasoning)

The Top 10

#10 St. Louis University Jr. Billikens

As St. Louisans (or close-tos), we become numb to the fact that a Billiken is a batshit crazy mascot to people outside the area. I've worn my SLU Billikens hat around non-Missouri residents and they ask why I'm wearing Alien merch. But the Billiken checks all the boxes to me -- something entirely unique, niche to the area, and fun to say/funny-looking. So their high school calling themselves the Junior Billikens is more than worthy of a Top 10 slot. (Or they're just copycats)

#9 Malden Green Wave

I don't know much about Malden High School, nor the nickname's origin (and neither does Google apparently), but what I do know is they have a baller mascot. Bit of a rip-off of Tulane, sure. But I'm a huge fan of this mascot, and especially how they tie it in to their sports. Their football helmets are elite -- S/O @HelmetMissouri on X who runs a tournament every summer voting on the best MO HS helmets, look them up on X and search Malden to see some of the helmets they've rolled out (and all of the schools on this list are on that page if you want to see more logos).

#8 North Callaway Thunderbirds

When I was in High School, we'd go to football camp each year at Central Methodist, and we'd always play all these MO schools I had never heard of. The two I remember best from those camps were the Callaways -- South and North -- and especially compared to the boring-ass South Callaway Bulldogs, the North Callaway Thunderbirds are a standout. In a world of endless Eagles and Hawks mascots, NC said no more boring birds, we're bringing the fucking thunder. Good colors/logo too.

#7 Roosevelt Rough Riders

Roosevelt High School in St. Louis knocked it out of the park with this mascot. Relating to President Roosevelt and the First U.S. Volunteer Cavalry regiment, this team name doubles as being very original and very cool. If I was still in High School, I certainly wouldn't want to play against Rough Riders. That just sounds like a team that'll run the ball down your throat for 350 rushing yards.

#6 Hickman Kewpies

Getting away from the uniquely-cool mascots and back to the uniquely-fucking-weird category, with the Hickman Kewpies. The origin of the mascot was a secretary 100+ years ago who put a doll on center-court before a basketball game they wound up winning, meaning it was now the good luck charm. If you're unfamiliar with a Kewpie, from the looks of it, it's just a very much naked baby. I keep seeing pictures of their mascot at football/basketball games and it's hysterical. Just a big ass baby head wearing Hickman jerseys. Too unique not to include, but incredibly odd.

#5 Osborn-Stewartsville WildCards

This one is cheating a little bit, but I think the construction of this team name is great. Osborn High School and Stewartsville High School are still independent from each other. Osborn being the Wildcats, and Stewartsville being the Cardinals -- boring as fuck, right? The catch: both of these schools have become athletically cooperative, meaning they've combined resources for football and other sports. So they combined the mascots and got the WildCards. Wild Cards would already be a sick/original mascot, but knowing it's a combo of the existing mascots makes it even better for me.

#4 Savannah Savages

Now I know I gave trouble to the seemingly 100 schools that use "Indians" as their mascot in the state of Missouri, calling for their cancellation. And it is a fact that Savannah High School used a relatively problematic Native American Logo for many years until a change in 2022. But in changing from that logo, they retained their excellent team name of the Savages. While the origins may not be the cleanest, this is still a great nickname that makes your team sound fucking badass.

#3 Maryville Spoofhounds

This might be the funniest origin of any mascot name on this list: Spoofhounds came directly from an insult. Their coach in the 1920s called his players a bunch of Spoofhounds because they weren't playing well -- and the word itself comes from a "carnival toy that was supposedly a lazy, neutered dog." Then the players embraced it, and it became the school's official nickname. Turning an insult from your coach and making it your mascot is exactly the type of origin story I'm looking for with these unique mascots. Spoofhounds for life.

#2 Aurora Houn' Dawgs

As I researched this one, I moved it up even further in the rankings, because the origins of this mascot fucking rock. They were called this in honor of the 203rd National Guard Unit from Southwest Missouri who were nicknamed the Houn' Dawgs for being so relentless. They also had a slogan: "Don't Kick Our Dawgs." Damn fucking right Aurora. When you apply as a freshman to go to Aurora, you have to check a box confirming whether or not you have that Dawg in you or they don't let you in. (they're a public school). If you don't like the Houn' Dawgs, I don't like you.

#1 Sacred Heart Gremlins

The #1 slot was extremely difficult to decide on -- any mascot on this list could make a case for #1. But for this Bean, the Sacred Heart Gremlins from Sedalia MO just have the IT-factor. The Gremlins name came from the very 1st freshman class at Sacred Heart in 1941. Gremlins apparently were notable at this time because the mischievous, mythological creatures were often blamed for plane-related-malfunctions in WWII. And the fact that it's stood the test of time goes to show how awesome of a nickname it is. You'll never find another high school team nickname the Gremlins -- at least not in MO -- and that's why it's elite.

(side note: during my research I learned they won Class 2 State in 2013-2014 and went undefeated? so shoutout the Gremlins 2014 basketball team).

If there are any Missouri Mascots I missed on today's list -- let me know in the comments! (Either below the blog or on the Instagram page)

And as always, let me know if you have any bright ideas for a future Power Rankings Thursday -- Happy 4th of July everyone!