College Basketball - All-Name Team 2025-2026

It's that time of year once again peeps -- the College Basketball season is nearly upon us, starting next week on November 3rd. And if you know me, this is my favorite time of year, and favorite sport to watch -- so you can expect plenty of NCAA Hoops blogs from this page. So if you have a favorite team or a conference you follow closely, let me know who you wanna read about! I'll write about the UConn's and Florida's of the world of course -- but I'm just as happy to write about the Towson's and Quinnipiac's and Detroit Mercy's of the world too -- I'll be watching them all.

But today, much like we did for football, we wanted to cover one of the more entertaining aspects of College Basketball -- The All-Name Teams. If you missed my All-Name Team blog for College Football -- it will be linked below, but the concept is simple: I scour the rosters of the 365 D1 basketball programs looking for the funniest, coolest, most unique names across the country. Doesn't matter if you're starting and scoring 18 ppg or filling up waters during timeouts -- all we care about is the name on the back of your jersey in today's blog. So if you're looking for laughs or inspiration on baby names -- you've come to the right place. Let's dive in!

1st Team

All Wright - Xavier

Always Wright - UT-Rio Grande Valley

Po'Boigh King - Sam Houston

Wiggy Ball - Louisiana-Monroe

Maximus Gizzi - Minnesota

I applaud the Wright Brothers' Parents for their creativity and confidence in their boys from Day 1 -- All and Always are from Missouri and I remember hearing about them when they were in High School, and it's awesome to see their awesome names getting attention in college.

Po'Boigh King sounds like a guy you meet in New Orleans on the street who bets you $10 he can eat more crawdads than you -- but instead is getting buckets for the Sam Houston Bearkats. Wiggy Ball is how they described my High School Basketball team, and Maxiumus Gizzi sounds like the love child of a Roman Gladiator and brain-rotted college freshman.

2nd Team

Tennessee Rainwater - Le Moyne

Doctor Bradley - Bethune-Cookman

Legend Smiley - San Francisco

Phat Phat Brooks - Central Michigan

Buddy Hammer Jr. - North Texas

When your last name is Rainwater, you're obligated to find a memorable first name for that child. Can't have a Joe Rainwater walking down the street -- you gotta go BIG, and that's exactly what Tennessee's parents did.

Since finding Doctor Bradley and Legend Smiley, I've genuinely pitched both Doctor and Legend as future names to my girlfriend. It was a resounding no, but I'm just trying to set my kids up for success, fucking sue me.

Phat Phat Brooks sounds like the supporting character who helps the hero find his rhythm in a Disney Channel Original movie about hip-hop. And if Buddy Hammer Jr. doesn't have at least one poster dunk go viral this year at North Texas, it's a waste of an Elite Basketball name.

3rd Team

Bernie Blunt III - Mercyhurst 

Cougar Downing - UMBC

Leopold Levillain - Long Beach State

Godslove Nwabude - Eastern Michigan

Money Williams - Montana

3rd Team is a dream Blunt (III) rotation -- give me Bernie, Cougar, Leopold, Godslove and Money and we'll solve all the world's problems.

Bernie Blunt III pushed hard for a higher ranking -- 3rd Team is probably too low for this guy. Cougar Downing was born in the woods of Oregon with a basketball in his hands and a dream of a better life (don't fact check). Leopold Levillain is otherworldly good -- first name straight from the 18th century, last name straight from a twitter troll who hates Lebron.

Godslove Nwabude was born to share the good news of Christ, but is instead sharing the rock and grabbing boards for the EM Eagles. And Money Williams has been a personal favorite ever since last season's March Madness -- was the sole reason I picked #14 Montana to upset Wisconsin.

Honorable Mentions

Guys @ Big Schools You may See in Box Scores

Treysen Eaglestaff - West Virginia

Yaxel Lendeborg - Michigan

Magoon Gwath - San Diego State

Solo Ball - UConn

Finley Bizjack - Butler

Butta Johnson - Clemson

Eaglestaff and Lendeborg were legit transfer portal guys -- I wanted UNC to get Yax and Iowa to get Treysen really bad. I convinced myself the Magooner himself was a Tar Heel when he entered the portal after losing to UNC by a zillion in the play-in game, but he returned to SDSU. Solo Ball is a sharpshooter for Dan Hurley's Huskies, Bizjack was a microwave and ball-handler for Butler last year off the bench, and Butta Johnson just HAS to have a silky smooth jumper.

A Nod to the Greats Before Them

Spudd Webb - Georgia Southern

Chandler Bing - Vanderbilt

George Washington III - Florida Gulf Coast

Zeplin Kidd - Southern Utah

Garfield Turner - Drexel

Donovan Draper - Navy

The most outrageous thing I learned doing this list -- Spudd Webb on Georgia Southern has no relation to the real Spud Webb. Parents just respected the legend. RIP Matthew Perry -- your most famous character has been reincarnated as a 6'5 freshman for Vandy. George Washington III is self-explanatory, Zeplin Kidd honors two legends in one name -- an elite rock band and point guard. Garfield Turner motherfucking HATES Mondays. Donovan Draper smokes cigarettes and pitches marketing materials when he's not patrolling the paint for the Midshipmen.

Sounds Like Royalty

Sir Isaac Herron - Louisiana Tech

Sir Mohammed - Notre Dame

Chancellor White - Northern Colorado

Mister Dean - College of Charleston

Preist Ryan - Cleveland State

London Maiden - Detroit Mercy

Two Sirs, a Chancellor, a Mister, a Preist, and a Maiden walk into a bar. These are all great, but Sir Isaac Herron and Mister Dean especially get me -- I'm giggling to myself writing this thinking about Dean getting married and the priest (maybe it's Preist Ryan) saying "and I now pronounce you, Mister and Mrs. Mister Dean."

Wait.. Pause

Walter Peggs Jr. - Morgan State

Peteris Pinnis - Providence

Mor Seck - Towson

Sami Pissis - Alabama A&M

Bube Momah - Lehigh

David Fuchs - San Francisco

Lets get sexual for a paragraph Bean's Blog. I'm not going to get into the details of Pegging, but contact Walter for more info. If you read Peteris Pinnis and don't laugh at least a little, we wouldn't be friends. Bube Momah may as well be Boobie Mama and that shit rocks. I'm well aware "Fuchs" isn't pronounced "Fucks," but I'm going to operate as if this young man's name is David Fucks. Mor Seck and Sami Pissis are probably unfortunate names to have in reality, but they make me smile as I write.

Short and Sweet

Yaak Yaak - Oklahoma State

Achor Achor - Mississippi State

Fatt Hill - George Mason

Kai Yu - Bradley

Kuol Atak - Oklahoma

Birgir Irving - High Point

Not a whole lot to break down here -- just 6 incredible and poignant names. Kai Yu is a personal favorite, would've fit in Nod to the Greats category. Birgir Irving is just Kyrie every time he goes to In-n-Out. Fatt Hill made me double-take.

Long and Sweet

Jerquarius Stanback - Alabama State

Poohpha Warakulnukroh - UCF

Theodore Pendergrass III - Delaware State

Mozae Downing-Rivers - Portland State

Zytarious Mortle - Texas Southern

Rakease Passmore - Maryland

Unreal list of names -- genuinely looks like what you'd see in a Key & Peele East v West Bowl sketch. Jerquarius? Zytarious? Fucking Teddy Pendergrass III? I'm blown away, positive connotation. Shoutout Poohpha who could've made the Pause category as well.

No Notes

Foster Wonders - Cleveland State

Oakland Fort - Northern Arizona

Vyctorius Miller - Oklahoma State

Cash McSweeney - Princeton

Jovan Jester Jr. - UC Irvine

Greedy Williams - UNC-Wilmington

And we end things on a hodgepodge group of misc names that deserve some shine -- I'm especially partial to Cash McSweeney and Vyctorius Miller.

Leave a like and comment below what your favorite name on the List was today -- or better yet, comment YOUR 1st Team All-Name on our Instagram Post.