Power Ranking Thursday - Holidays

Simple topic today folks, no messing around. With Labor Day Weekend approaching, AKA a 3-day weekend that hits like crack for people like me in the busy stretch of the work year -- my mind's been on Holidays. And after a couple sports-related PRT's in recent weeks, I decided to switch things up for this week's with a much more straightforward topic (and one that requires a lot fewer trips to Sports-Reference.com for this Bean).

While the topic is simple, believe me when I tell you there will be plenty of controversy in this list. I imagine my Top 10 will be VASTLY different than yours -- leave me a hateful comment below or on Instagram letting me know where I went wrong.

Honorable Mentions

President's Day

MLK Day

Veteran's Day

I appreciate what these holidays stand for, but I don't appreciate only getting one day off work between the 3. And they all occur in very cold times of year, 2 are always on Monday's, and aren't exactly big celebratory holidays.

Cinco De Mayo

Mardi Gras

I love me some Mardi Gras, but I think it's a much bigger celebration in St. Louis than it is in other places. It's also less about the day itself and more the Soulard celebration that I've never actually attended but have weathered the traffic for (sucked asshole). I don't typically celebrate Cinco De Mayo aside from the occasional El Maguey dinner, but shoutout my señors and señoritas.

Mother's/Father's Day

Mileage may vary for these two -- I'm always down to celebrate my awesome parents with a family brunch, but until I'm a father myself, it'd be ingenuous to include in the Top 10.

Easter

Only making this an honorable mention because it isn't celebrated by all, and in college it started losing it's luster when I'd have to drive back to Springfield after Mass in the morning to get back for class on Monday. But as a kid, this was one of my favorites. Shoutout Aunt Deb's "Egg-Stravaganza" Easter Egg hunt.

The Top 10

#10 April Fool's Day

Kicking things off with a fake, bullshit, unfun, horrible "holiday" in April Fool's Day. If I was true to myself and only picking my 10 favorite holidays, this wouldn't sniff the Top 10. But I didn't include Easter for the sole purpose of shitting on April 1st. As a young Bean, was it fun to go into school and try to prank your buddies? Sure, we were whimsical little children, and the world was our oyster. Now I'm an adult, and if someone tries to hit me with a prank at 25, I want to knock their teeth out with a metal bat. April 1 is simply used for the spread of misinformation on social media and devoid-of-humor gags from your least funny friends. Fuck April Fool's Day, and mega Fuck anyone who claims it to be a real holiday. Soapbox over, let's get into some real holidays.

#9 New Year's Eve

And so it begins -- the first contentious ranking. Look, if you're a high schooler or college kid, New Year's Eve is a massive day. In HS, you're going to someone's house who your friend sort of-kind of knows for a massive rager, telling your parents you're going to that friend's house who's mom doesn't talk to your mom, bringing a fifth and hoping you find a random harlot to smooch at midnight. In College, you're going back to your college town or meeting up with your friends back home for a big house party to blackout and start the New Year deathly hungover and full of regret. I've been there, I've done it, I've had good times. But post-college, this is the most over-rated holiday imaginable. Paying $100 for a ticket to get into a bar where you'll be shoulder-to-shoulder with strangers/hometown people you wished you'd never see again. Waiting 45 minutes for an uber you're paying $175 to get home at 3 am. Call me a boomer, call me a party pooper, I don't give a fuck. Miss me with New Year's Eve.

Side story -- shoutout me and the absolute banger I threw Freshman year of High School because Louis's mom saw our iMessage groupchat on his iPad talking about getting "Ice Cream" for the New Year's Eve party at Leah's. Instead of getting plastered as tweens, we were getting amped on Diet Coke and Mountain Dew playing Soda Beer Pong, eating all the Lays flavors you can imagine, and banging pots and pans in my front yard with my mom at midnight. Hilarious how we thought we were so slick talking about getting alcohol when in reality we couldn't have been less sneaky. Hope everyone enjoyed the Luke New Year's Eve Party.

#8 Valentine's Day

My opinion on Valentine's Day has change in recent years, and shocker, it's because I finally got a girlfriend. And I'm not into the big romantic gestures and dropping a huge bag on a candlelit steak dinner, but I do enjoy going out and having a nice dinner with my lady. I'll buy the flowers, I'll buy the chocolate -- I had many years of free passes to make up for. Or even just getting some carryout and watching a movie is my type of date night. But for the single guys and gals out there, I get it. It's no fun seeing 100 Instagram stories of your friends in relationships being all mushy -- disgusting! (I'm criminally guilty of this now I'm sorry for it). And even for people in relationships, I can see how this can be an annoying holiday. Feeling the pressure of getting a good reservation and good gift and making it a romantic night -- no one likes that either. I will say, growing up, I always enjoyed the Valentine's Day party at school and loading up on heart-shaped Sweettarts and fun dips. But in the Grand Scheme, this is a mid-range holiday.

#7 Labor Day

I consider all of the remaining 7 holidays as the true heavy-hitters, starting with the one coming soon in Labor Day. There's a lot I love about Labor Day, but what really separates LDW (similarly to one a couple spots higher) for me is that there is zero not to like about it. I can nitpick damn near every holiday on this list, but I really have zero to complain about with Labor Day. 1.) it's a Monday off work, which this year in particular couldn't come at a better time for me. 2.) It's essentially the Welcome Weekend for Football back into our lives. It's the 1st major weekend of College Football each year, and this year especially has an absurdly good slate of games. Texas vs Ohio State, LSU vs Clemson, Alabama vs Florida State, Miami vs Notre Dame (Missouri State vs USC of course). My pants are tighter just thinking about it. And 3.) it's the turning point from Summer to Fall, which for some is sad, but is amazing to me. Football weather is upon us and I couldn't be more excited for Hoodie Season.

#6 Thanksgiving

This is the one I'm expecting full and aggressive pushback from readers. And you know what, it's entirely valid. But God Damnit I'm going to stand my ground. There's so much to love about Thanksgiving and I'll never judge someone for saying it's their favorite holiday. Families getting together, NFL football on the TV, more food than you could ever dream up, plenty of time off work. You can even lump in Skanksgiving -- or Blackout Eve, or The Night before Thanksgiving, whatever you want to call it -- and Black Friday into the mix if you really want to talk it up. I love absolutely everything about Thanksgiving, except for one thing. I think the food's overrated. There, I said it! I don't fuck with Turkey, sue me. If there's a Thanksgiving Ham on the table, I'll go nuts. I think Mashed Potatoes are overrated. Fuck green beans. Absolutely fuck stuffing/dressing. I think this is more an indictment on my diet than the holiday (because I do love some Pumpkin Pie) but it's just not the elite food holiday in my eyes that it is to many. Everything else about T-Gives -- ELITE.

#5 Memorial Day

And now allow me to follow up arguably the most beloved holiday in existence with an objectively B-level holiday in Memorial Day. But much like Labor Day Weekend, I think there's a ton to love about MDW and zero negatives. Another Monday off-work/extended weekend? Check. Weekend full of barbecues, cookouts, trips to the lake, golf? Double check. Major Sporting events? Can I interest you in the Indy 500, early MLB (before your team sucks and you still have hope), NBA and NHL playoffs? If that doesn't get you going, MDW is historically a major retail shopping weekend where stores put shit on sale and slash their prices knowing the masses are coming to shop. And if even that doesn't get you going, it's essentially the start of Summer and the beginning of the warmest, most carefree time of year. If that doesn't make you happy, you have bigger problems at hand and I think you should talk to a professional.

#4 Halloween

If you'll allow me to be hypocritical, I'd like to dig in to my 4th ranked holiday in Halloween. I knocked New Year's Eve heavily earlier for how it's lost it's luster post-college/high school. And it's true that Halloween has had a similar effect. Nothing will match the highs of college Halloween parties -- showing up in a minimal-effort costume to a sea of minimally-dressed women. And growing up it was always a favorite, especially factoring in Trunk-or-Treat nights, hitting the neighborhood with your absolute bros, charming the pants off every mom in the cul-de-sac with your knock-knock jokes, and filling up a pillowcase with enough candy to send a grandparent into cardiac arrest. So while Halloween may not be the magical night it once was, I still love that time of year so much and am a sucker for Halloween decorations. Carving pumpkins, getting costumes,, handing out candy to trick-or-treaters and seeing the kids' funny costumes. Maybe I'm biased because I have extremely cute and funny nieces/nephews and love seeing them get all excited -- but I still have a lot of love for Halloween as an adult.

#3 Fourth of July

We arrive at another heavy-hitter, and the best/highest-ranked Summer Holiday on this list in Independence Day. When I think 4th of July, I'm immediately taken back to the summers growing up and going to the Lake with my family, shooting off fireworks, barbecuing, fishing, swimming -- the whole nine yards. It was like an extended Memorial Day on steroids. I'm on record for not being the biggest firework guy in the world -- I think they can get out of hand at times (one of the scumbags I missed on PRT a few weeks ago were the people who shoot fireworks on July 2nd, 3rd, 5th, and 6th, because those people can fuck all the way off). But if you don't enjoy a little firework show with an ice cold beer and a bratwurst in your hand, you simply aren't American. Big family cookouts and weekend trips -- swimming pools and hot summer nights -- and digging out the American Flag swim trunks/tank tops is what celebrating Fourth of July is all about. The premier summer holiday, an easy Top 3 selection.

#2 Christmas

Yeah, yeah, yeah. You all knew it was coming. It's like picking the #1 overall seed in March Madness to make the Championship Game. I get it! But here's the deal, it's motherfucking Christmas. It literally has to be a Top 3 Holiday. From the nostalgia of Christmas growing up, believing in Santa, leaving out cookies, waking up with gifts under the tree -- all that crap went so fucking hard as a kid. Bragging to your friends at school when you come back from break and showing them all your cool shit. Obviously Christmas is about much more than getting stuff, but that was a pretty massive perk growing up. As I've gotten older, I appreciate Christmas for very different reasons now, but it's still just as awesome as it was as a kid. I've learned to love actually giving the gifts and seeing people's reactions when you get them something they love. Having tons of family time, immediate and extended family -- which obviously can come with it's own set of headaches -- but I've never looked back on a Christmas season not thankful I got to spend it with my family. I also love the winter (despite it getting dark at 4:30, gross) and there's always a slate of NBA and, now, NFL games to watch to scratch my sports itch. Good food, family time, and some of the fondest memories I have growing up center around Xmas -- an easy, if cheesy, Top 2.

#1 St. Patrick's Day

And without further ado, the #1 slot could only be saved for St. Patrick's Day. If you know me, if you know my family, this comes as absolutely no surprise. Loving St. Paddy's is essentially a personality trait in our family. But when I meet new people, they're usually shocked to learnt this is my favorite holiday. I'm sure most people don't have strong connections to a holiday that falls on a weekday/school day some years, but growing up this was our built-in skip day if it did so we could walk in the Dogtown STL St. Patrick's Day Parade. Without a doubt my favorite day of the year as kid -- getting to the parade spot early and walking over to the zoo before it started, tossing beads into the crowd, seeing seas of people in green cheering and smiling and having fun together. And I grew to love it even more as I grew up -- believe it or not, walking in a parade becomes even more fun when you started drinking at 8 am. That's when the cannons come out and you throw out a shoulder trying to hurl beads to the 3rd-story-window a shirtless guy's hanging out of. Drinking Guinness with your family and friends at the end of the route while the Opening Round of March Madness games tip-off. I'm extremely lucky to have the family I do, where this holiday is a tradition and something to look forward to every year. And I plan on making sure my kids one day know how special of a holiday it is, and give them the same amazing experiences I had growing up with St. Patrick's Day.

Another Bonus Story -- my mom's favorite to tell. When I was like 5 or 6 years old and just learning the ropes, my mom and aunts tried to explain while they loaded me up with beads that I have to make them last throughout the entire 1-mile parade route. Of course I agreed, but unfortunately plans change when you turn the first corner getting onto the route and see little girls asking for beads. Being the gentleman I am, I obliged, and gave one girl in particular all 100 sets of beads on my neck no more than 60 seconds into the parade route. Needless to say I've learned the importance of Bead Preservation since then -- but don't hate the player, hate the game.

That's all for Today -- let me know in the comments what your Top 3 Favorite Holidays are, and let me know which ones you think I mis-ranked on my list here. I obviously have a St. Paddy's Day Bias -- but let me know if you agree/disagree/and anything in between. And as always, thank you for reading!